hanging my head in shame.

Blogging? Really?

I went out to lunch with my dad today. I have to figure out my plans, but we're talking about me moving in with him after HS. He just bought a new house, plenty of room. He thinks the environment would be better for studying/living/not crying (which it is/makes more sense/feels new). My dad also thinks I should go to Tacoma CC. He lives in a fun area of Tacoma. HI, Starbucks within walking distance.

But, Lily. I have a fenced yard there/my dad has a dog. Buttttt, Lily would be completely my responsibility, my dad wouldn't be too helpful/accommodating like my mom and jim are. And if she ever ran out of the house, she would be gone forever. I'm not willing to risk that at all.

Also, job? My dad doesn't want me to work much in college (hey, i guess cc is still college~) if i live with him. My mom does. If I have a job in Puyallup, then Lily would be at my mom's and i would see her a lot?

Hmm, who knows. I feel like by not going to a 4 year, like UO or something and having a traditional college experience that I'm going to grow up a lot more. It's kind of getting thrown out into "the real world" right after high school and not having that transition time all the way. Jeez. I need to grow up. I feel so entirely young and being forced to make all these big decisions. I cannot imagine myself in my own apartment already, are you fucking kidding me? That's just not happening, I don't even have my license yet. Which is another thing that makes me feel pathetic everyday of my life. My mom is sew awesum. It's not like I can't drive or haven't done driver's ed. I just need to go out there in the new car more and actually take the time to practice parallel parking and backing around a corner since i've never had a reason too in the blazer. My mom makes an excuse for me not to drive constantly to, it's annoying. BUH.

ya frustration.

sorry, i'm just a complainer. i feel so inadequate for anything.